gothicsammie

2006-06-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

take this pain away from me
i cant handle it anymore
why muz u always do this to me?
why are u making things difficult for e both of us?
why cant we juz stay as before..
stop making all tthings difficult for us.
stop making me a pillow...

when i m not needed, u juz kick me aside.

and u leave me in wondourous thoughts...
all i wish for..
is for me to stop loving u..
but i know i cant...

so here i m typing here...
imagine myself sitting on the rooftop...
holding a penknife with me...
hoping to release the pain,the anger,anxiety in my blood.
and juz jump off the building.....

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!! 11.30pm

2006-02-15T06:34:00.000-08:00

The night is young,
as i sat upon with u in my embrace tightly.
i feel loved.
but u dun,
u r doing it cos u owe me.
do i care?
no..
for i love u so.
my dear boy,have u being enlightened?
no...
u r still in e midst of the crowded sky..
hoping tat u will find yr love back.
how bout mine?
where's my love?
i m still here..
but did u know?
no u dun..
cos u cant see it.
yr heart is not in it.
pls dun try to fake wad is real.
for i would rather walk away.
and feel e pain myself.
The sharp stab inside my heart,
had left me no tears to cry,
no sound to scream.
cos u had dried them all up,
but,
u did not clean away the wound inside it.
leaving me in excrusiating pain.
all i hope for,
is for u to be happy.
May u not know this pain of mine that i m suffering alone.
for i dun wan u to be hurt.
i shall end it..in e words of blood*

2005-11-03T23:35:00.000-08:00

i m lost in love
yes i m...

for a few moments,
i thought i m e gal u talkin abt
but after wad u juz said again,
i got myself thinkin again
its not me...
or probably it never was me..

u said i think too much..
but probably it is..
but also becuz..
i have tried to forget u
but i juz couldnt.
cos i do know somethin
i m fallin in love with u again

its hard
i m confused..
i wan to forget u..but i juz couldnt
cos i cant let u go.

maybe u may like someone else now
but not for me..
there's simply too much memories
i had with u..
i m lost in love.

i wanna get out of it..
but i couldnt..
its too hard
all those words u said..in the words
it give me pain..
is that wad u wan?

probably after u seen this,
u may wanna avoid me...
juz like my other exs'

but i wan u to know somethin..
it will hurt me alot...
more than the hurt that my ex give me
cos i had told u before
i love u more than anythin else.

i know i m selfish...
but if only..
things wouldnt turn out this way..
if u really do have to leave,
pls leave..
dun turn back again..
dun make me fall in love with u again..
cos u really got me thinkin all day...

i may fall and cry..
but i think thats the best i can do...
i feel so hurt
the wound will be so deep..
but wad can i do?
i can only face it...with myself..

i of cos do not wan history repeat itself..
but i had no choice cos u dun love me..

juz go..
all i can say is
although u may know, or maybe u dunno..
i juz wan u to know that..
no matter where u go,
there will always be someone out there waitin for u
and that someone is me..
i juz wan u to be happy..

i had said..all that i wanted..

i will face the pain myself

i m too lost in love.........

ended in true blood.

2005-09-30T16:22:00.000-07:00

so hurt that it can blew me away
away from here...
away from where i belong
i juz wanna achieve eternality
where there is no pain

every night i m awake.
becuz of all those noises in my head
unable to shake it off.

life has it all..
juz live with it
believe in it..
let fate do the rest

arrgh!!!

my mind is twirling in a whirlpool.
cant stop..
i need sth to stop it..
juz sth..
but what is it...?

and yes.
i found it..
the thing lying by my side..
the shiny blade make me wanna take it.
but i cant
the whirlpool is getting bigger.
i need it!
right now right away!!
i reach out...
and yes!
i grab it..
looking at its beautiful shiny blade and the handle
make me wanna stab that painful thing inside me

something hold me up again.
its those thoughts and noises in my head..
stop it! stop it!
the horrible laughter, the bruises, the pain..
arrghh! stop it!
i must do it now!

i held it high in the air...
again the blade became visible and shiny in mid air...
this is it..
this is the time....
and finally.....
the blade was filled with blood once again..

so bloody..the pain is gone.
no longer have those thoughts in my head.
i m free at last...............

2005-09-12T00:19:00.000-07:00

life has it all,
tears welled up my eyes
as i fight against sorrow and sadness.
the pain is excruisiating painful.
how to get out?
how to get over it?
i wanna know..
i wan it out now.
but what can i do?
what can i say..?

rain poured,
and tears dropped once more.
suddenly..
my mind juz went blank.
wad have i done?
why m i torturating myself?
why didnt i think of all the love ones around me?

reflecting again,
have i made them too hard to understand me?
juz wad m i hiding?
all these thoughts kept running thru my head.
i realise i had one thing left for me to do.

that is...
open up my heart.
i had to change..
there is a way..
but wad is the way?
why cant i juz figure it out.
if only i could,
i be able to get out of the darkness that i had fallen.

rain poured
as tears welled up my eyes.
and dropped to the table where i sat.

-this poem is for my half-cousin,benz.
hope u will like it..hehe..i meant no harm..hehe..if i did, sorry..sorry hee..hope u forgive me! hehe

2005-08-23T23:53:00.000-07:00

As night falls,
the birds stopped singing,
the streets became silence.
The spirits of souls began to come out to play.
I walked down the streets alone.
feeling empty,
feeling lost,
feeling sad,
all these feelings kept running thru my mind.
unable to run away,
unable to hide,
i was trapped all alone in this lonely street.
The birds stopped singing........
the street became silence........
and the spirits of souls began to come to play again........

2005-08-18T18:31:00.000-07:00

finally
i had made another site of me
and this so happen to be the gothic side of me
muahahaha
do enjoy..

this blog is gonna be used for some real action that i soon will put up
or probably some stuffs and words that i think it is interesting so do enjoy
and pls comment on my taggy......

i indulged myself
2 take the pain of wadever i saw
wadever i feel
and wadever i touched
i indulged myself in illusion
making myself spin for life
turning and whirling
as i saw a knife stabbing thru my very heart
i cried aloud, but no one heard
and so,
i scream in silence
till the day i saw myself falling into the darkness of life
the gothic side of me..had been revived..

2005-08-18T18:04:00.000-07:00

testin 123